


Fruity Genes

by shittystorywriter



Category: South Park
Genre: Gay, Homophobia, I Don't Even Know, I'm bored, Marijuana, Offensive Humor, Randy and Gerald being idiots, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittystorywriter/pseuds/shittystorywriter
Summary: Randy and Gerald argue about their ten year old sons play behavior while high. Then Randy comes to a startling self conclusion, again while high.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Fruity Genes

  
"Hey, Gerald!" Randy spoke on the phone, standing at the kitchen table, which was full of weed. "Heard you're bringing Kyle over today - why don't you stay awhile and try some of my Green Goodness special that I'm working on? I could use a little feedback."

Sharon shook her head in annoyance, as she tried to make a breakfast and work around the table, which was littered with bags of marijuana and other junk she was tempted to throw into the garbage. The entire house was starting to look like a stoner's messy bedroom.

"Uhuh - uhuh - uhuh," Randy spoke into the phone. "Huh. Yep. Ah, I see. Uhuh." Randy was totally blazed and barely paying attention to what Gerald was saying on the other end. He just kept nodding. Sharon wanted to - literally - smack some sense into him. 

"Sounds great! I'll see you then!" Randy replied, finally ending the call. 

"Well, Gerald's coming over later and we plan to get super high, so we're going to need the TV and stuff," Randy informed Sharon. "I need to make sure you or Shelly or Stan won't be using the TV." 

"When are you NOT getting super high?" she replied snarkily. "And why do you need the TV so badly?" 

"Sharon, you need to relax. Have a joint! We're going to sit there and watch C-SPAN, it's surprisingly hilarious when you're high. Ahh, it'll be just like old times."

Sharon just rolled her eyes as she ate her bowl of rice krispies. 

Gerald pulled up to the farm a few hours later, Kyle hopping out of the car with him. Randy waved to them both and called inside the house. "Hey Staaan! Your friend Kyle is here!" 

Stan immediately came running out of the house and tackled Kyle in a hug, much like a dog happy to see their owner. Randy raised an eyebrow and looked to Gerald, who just shrugged.

He and Gerald went into the kitchen to observe the special new weed he was cultivating, which was now sitting in a bowl on the center of the table, on top of a festive fall decorative centerpiece. "This stuff will be great for thanksgiving," Randy explained, grinning. "Pairs nicely with turkey and cranberries."

Gerald thought Randy was getting a little carried away with this, but shrugged and nodded anyway. "Huh, I see. Looks good!"

"Well, let's light some up!" Randy said, excitedly clasping his hands together. Gerald noticed that his eyes were already red when he got here, and he was clearly already a little high. 

They went outside for a bit, smoking on the deck as Randy pointed to the fields and talked about all the intricacies of growing marijuana. Which frankly, Gerald couldn't care less about. Sure, he enjoyed smoking every now and then, but he wasn't a total pothead and fanatic like Randy had become. He was sure he could even live without the stuff. It wasn't that great, and it made people kind of stupid. Hell, he had great times trolling potheads on online message boards - they were so defensive and easy to piss off, they made perfect targets. Kind of like Randy, who was so enthusiastic and dogmatic about his weed that Gerald didn't dare to tell him he didn't think it was that great. Maybe later on, he'd troll the Tegridy Farms Facebook page and spam it with images of baboon butts. 

As they sat on the deck smoking, Kyle and Stan ran through the yard - throwing a football around or something. Stan ended up tackling Kyle to the ground as they laughed boisterously.

"You know what? There's just something about those two that seems super gay," Randy commented. "Am I the only one who sees it?"

Gerald looked worried. "I mean, I kind of know what you're talking about - but hey, they've got a football, that's not gay right?"

"Yeah, I guess that kind of cancels out the fact that my son has yours mounted on the ground right now, and they're giggling like a bunch of girls." 

"Jesus christ, Randy. You're seeing too much into it. They're just playing." Gerald shook his head, although he wasn't too sure what to make of the scene - they were still rolling around on the ground, and now Stan had Kyle trapped beneath his legs.

"Uhuh, sure. Well, at least it looks like my son is the man in the relationship," Randy commented, inhaling more smoke.

Gerald furrowed his eyebrows. "Hey! What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying, if they're gay, it's obvious that my son is the one who wears the pants. Hell, Stan's probably straight, but his brain is confused, since your son looks like a girly boy. What do you feed him, flower petals?"

Gerald was really starting to get mad now. "Shut the fuck up! I do not have a girly son." 

"Uhuh. He looks like Shirley Temple with that curly hair. Plus he's always giving those gay little speeches about everything."

"If I recall correctly, your son writes poems and tries to save whales." 

"Okay, you've got a point there. I'm sorry, I was being a dick. Sometimes weed makes me say stupid shit. I'm always pissing everyone off." 

Gerald shook his head. "Well then maybe you should cut back on it!" 

"I can't. There always needs to be an expert on call to sample stuff. Oh, god dammit - what are they doing now? That looks SO gay."

Gerald looked up to see Stan and Kyle "play fighting" again, except now Stan had Kyle trapped against a tree. They were awfully close, and in his completely blitzed state of mind, it appeared to Randy that the two ten year olds were, without a doubt, dry humping.

"Okay...yeah, looks like our boys are definitely gay," Randy stated as if it was an undeniable fact.

"No doubt," Gerald replied with a sigh, not quite sure what he was seeing, but Randy had planted the seed of paranoia in his mind, and this stuff they were smoking was strong. "Well, there goes my grandchildren."

Randy shook his head. "Look on the bright side..we won't have to worry about them getting any girls pregnant at 16. Seen that too often nowadays."

"I just...feel like this is our fault."

"Why would it be our fault??"

"Maybe we raised them too soft? Or maybe they inherited some kind of gay genes from us?"

Randy looked insulted. "Hey now, you take that back. I don't know about YOUR fruity genes, but there ain't no gay in my DNA!" he responded, sassily snapping his fingers.

Gerald just rolled his eyes at him. "You sure about that, Randy?"

"Totally sure. If he's got any homosexual genes, he must have gotten them from Sharon. She's such a fag."

Gerald sighed. "My wife's a fag too."

"Women in general are just super faggy."

"Yeah, who needs em?"

"Sometimes I think we should just start an all male enclave and like, just have fun, without any women to tell us what we can or can't do. Women wouldn't be allowed in, because they ruin things."

"That would be pretty sweet. Just sports and beer," Gerald said, even though he didn't even care for sports or beer.

"And drag racing and car shows!" 

"And pool parties!"

"And hot tub parties!"

"We could give each other massages."

"Yeah and we could have parties where we suck each other off- aww dammit." Randy facepalmed.

"Fag!"

"Fuck you! I meant to say we could puck - play pucks - like hockey. Yeah. Never mind. I guess I'm gay now."

"Are you gonna tell your wife??"

"Yeah, I guess I should. That would be the right thing to do, right?"

"Uhuh," Gerald replied, snickering. 

"Hey Sharon! Sharoooon! Sharrrooooon!" Randy yelled, his voice slurred.

"What now, Randy?!" Sharon came out to the deck, annoyed.

"I think I might be gay now. I'm sorry. I think this marijuana turned me gay." 

"Okay, whatever you say," Sharon replied, shaking her head and closing the door.

"Hey Stan!" Randy yelled. Stan stopped fighting with Kyle to look up. "I'm probably gay now!"

"Okay dad!" Stan replied, shaking his head.

"That's it? Aren't they going to throw a parade for me or something? Don't I get a cake for being gay?" Randy looked disappointed. "Not even a rainbow penis shaped lollypop?"

"Wait until tomorrow when we're sober, and if you're still gay we'll get you that lollypop," Gerald said. 

"Sounds like a plan!"


End file.
